The Scarlett Letters - Commentary

I Vote: YES, Please!

scarlett@thescarlettletters.com (Scarlett) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 10:28:10 -0500

On a lighter note – the political conventions.

I will refrain from thoughts on the speeches made, views espoused and promises undertaken and leave that genre of commentary to those eminently more qualified than myself (though I’m quite pissed at that whole “can she be the Vice President AND a mother” statement. A comment that should infuriate any women who has ever called herself a feminist – but that’s a topic for another post).

But what NO ONE is talking about – what NO ONE has brought up – what NO ONE has thought to mention…perhaps the most important factor in this election…..right up there with world peace and starving children:

McCain’s sons (Jimmy & Jack) are HOT!! I noticed them during last night’s news coverage. Watch out Prince William & Harry – these boys might just have you beat! And yes, they’re a tad young for moi, however….SO cute! Then again, I seem to be on a “men in uniform” kick as of late.

So for your information and edification :

Jack is 22 and is attending his fourth (1st Class) year at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland. He hopes to become a naval aviator. He was born and raised in Arizona and attended Phoenix Country Day Elementary and Brophy College Preparatory High School. He enjoys amateur car racing and has built his own race car. He competes in Drift racing and recently took his Mom with him in the passenger seat during a race.

Jim is 20 and a Private First Class in the Marine Corps. He was born in Phoenix, Arizona and attended Christ Lutheran Elementary School and Brophy College Preparatory High School. His lifelong dream was to become a Marine. He is an avid reader and often shares books with his father.

Frankly, these are the IMPORTANT issues, kids - and we should ALL strive to be more informed!

Frankly,

An Ideal Husband

scarlett@thescarlettletters.com (Scarlett) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 11:01:00 -0500

Continuing on the theme of relationship “experts” and their enthusiastic willingness to share prescriptions for perpetual relationship bliss.

I love how all of these startling revelations about successful relationship are now beginning to surface like mathematical truths or freshly unearthed archeological discoveries. Not that I can claim even a single credential that would qualify me as an “expert” in any field whatsoever, with the possible exception of shoe shopping or Angry Girl music circa 1996.

Never having successfully navigated a relationship longer than the gestational period of a Costa Rican Howler Monkey, my relationship track record wouldn’t qualify me to work the supply room in a Hallmark store, let alone espouse “expert” relationship advice. However, “expert” or not, the following article parrots many of the credos I faithfully espouse to my wonderful, if occasionally romantically delusional friends.

It should be noted that as a rule, I faithfully read Ms. Dowd’s editorial works in the New York Times. While I always find her writing style to be brilliantly composed, I seldom find myself nodding along in agreement as I hold political opinions laying on the opposing spectrum. However, this poses little problems as the artistry of Ms. Dowd’s works do not lay within her overall arguments but rather in the craftsmanship of the prose and her mastery over the English language.

This week, I was pleasantly surprised to find myself in startlingly staunch agreement with the red headed editorial maven. However, the fact that some, if not most of these pearls of wisdom will remain unheeded by starry-eyed, romantic hopefuls the world over, is indeed still troubling.

July 6, 2008

Op-Ed Columnist

An Ideal Husband

By MAUREEN DOWD

This weekend, we celebrate our great American pastime: messy celebrity divorces.

There’s the Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook fireworks on Long Island and the Madonna/Guy Ritchie/A-Rod Roman candle in New York.

So how do you avoid a relationship where you end up saying, “The man who I was living with, I just didn’t know who he was” — as Brinkley did in court when talking about her husband’s $3,000-a-month Internet porn and swinger site habit? (Not to mention the 18-year-old mistress/assistant.)

Father Pat Connor, a 79-year-old Catholic priest born in Australia and based in Bordentown, N.J., has spent his celibate life — including nine years as a missionary in India — mulling connubial bliss. His decades of marriage counseling led him to distill some “mostly common sense” advice about how to dodge mates who would maul your happiness.

“Hollywood says you can be deeply in love with someone and then your marriage will work,” the twinkly eyed, white-haired priest says. “But you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you cannot be successfully married.”

For 40 years, he has been giving a lecture — “Whom Not to Marry” — to high school seniors, mostly girls because they’re more interested.

“It’s important to do it before they fall seriously in love, because then it will be too late,” he explains. “Infatuation trumps judgment.”

I asked him to summarize his talk:

“Never marry a man who has no friends,” he starts. “This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. I am always amazed at the number of men I have counseled who have no friends. Since, as the Hebrew Scriptures say, ‘Iron shapes iron and friend shapes friend,’ what are his friends like? What do your friends and family members think of him? Sometimes, your friends can’t render an impartial judgment because they are envious that you are beating them in the race to the altar. Envy beclouds judgment.

“Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that founder do so because of money — she’s thrifty, he’s on his 10th credit card.

“Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband.

“Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? When he wants to make a decision, say, about where you should go on your honeymoon, he doesn’t consult you, he consults his mother. (I’ve known cases where the mother accompanies the couple on their honeymoon!)

“Does he have a sense of humor? That covers a multitude of sins. My mother was once asked how she managed to live harmoniously with three men — my father, brother and me. Her answer, delivered with awesome arrogance, was: ‘You simply operate on the assumption that no man matures after the age of 11.’ My father fell about laughing.

“A therapist friend insists that ‘more marriages are killed by silence than by violence.’ The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive. That world-class misogynist, Paul of Tarsus, got it right when he said, ‘In all your dealings with one another, speak the truth to one another in love that you may grow up.’

“Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.

“Take a good, unsentimental look at his family — you’ll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women. Kay made a monstrous mistake marrying Michael Corleone! Is there a history of divorce in the family? An atmosphere of racism, sexism or prejudice in his home? Are his goals and deepest beliefs worthy and similar to yours? I remember counseling a pious Catholic woman that it might not be prudent to marry a pious Muslim, whose attitude about women was very different. Love trumped prudence; the annulment process was instigated by her six months later.

“Imagine a religious fundamentalist married to an agnostic. One would have to pray that the fundamentalist doesn’t open the Bible and hit the page in which Abraham is willing to obey God and slit his son’s throat.

“Finally: Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?

“After I regale a group with this talk, the despairing cry goes up: ‘But you’ve eliminated everyone!’ Life is unfair.”

Underneath the Mistletoe Last Night

scarlett@thescarlettletters.com (Scarlett) — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 14:45:06 -0600

So my grand idea to survive the holidays as a single woman … (wait for it…) take full advantage of the situation and always have plenty mistletoe on hand…ya know, just in case some tall dark and handsome friend of the family who’s been secretly pining away for you for years happens to show up at your aunt’s Christmas party because he heard you were newly available. Yes, I still believe in Santa!

So that lead me to thinking – what makes this little plant so ….aphrodisiatic? (yes, I made up that word). (And please keep in mind that this is one of those posts written after about three glasses of Zin, so please bear with me…(after all – how else do you propose I get through the holidays in one piece?)

What are the origins of the mistletoe? Why have generations of us either been trapped or ensnared others to succumb to our own physical affections because of a little plant? Either willingly or begrudgingly? Where did it all start? And could we perhaps extend this tradition throughout the year with say….daisies or roses, or shrubberies (if you’re a Monty Python fan) any common garden variety plant would work, really – anything you may conveniently hang and dry in your homes. I mean, a girl should be kissed regularly regardless of the season!

But sadly, ‘tis not the case. And ‘tis the season for this little plant (which, is actually a parasite – ironic and somehow fitting, isn’t it?). And so, without further ado, for your edification and education – and just because I’ve been celebrating a bit too much at the office Christmas party – here are there origins of the mistletoe tradition – spreading mononucleosis the world over.

Merry Christmas, my dear, dear readers. And a big mistletoe kiss to all, and to all a good night.

Frankly,

KISSING UNDER THE MISTLETOE

Nowadays, mistletoe is commonly used as a Christmas decoration, though allusions to mistletoe as a Christmas green were rare into the eighteenth century. Viscum album is used in Europe whereas Phoradendron serotinum is used in North America. According to a custom of Christmas cheer, any two people who meet under a hanging of mistletoe are obliged to kiss. The custom is British rather than Scandinavian in origin.

According to custom, the mistletoe must not touch the ground between its cutting and its removal as the last of Christmas greens at Candlemas; mistletoe might remain hung through the year, often to preserve the house from lightning or fire, until it was replaced the following Christmas Eve.The tradition has spread throughout the English-speaking world but is largely unknown in the rest of Europe. The appearance and nature of the fruit's content (viscin) is very similar or suggestive of human semen and this has strengthened its pagan connections.

Using the mistletoe to kiss under has even become incorporated into various holiday songs. The 1943 song I'll Be Home for Christmas tells the story of a lonely traveler looking forward to coming home and seeing, among other things, mistletoe. The Mistletoe is mentioned in the song "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire" ("The Christmas Song"), made famous by Nat King Cole, and written by Mel Torme. The song "A Holly Jolly Christmas" sung by Burl Ives, and used for the TV special "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer", features the line, "Ho Ho, the Mistletoe", and the line, "Kiss her once for me". In 1961 singer Aretha Franklin released a Christmas song called Kissin' by the Mistletoe. In 1971 singer Lynn Anderson recorded the song Mr. Mistletoe on her holiday album The Christmas Album. The song talks about an elf who hangs mistletoe in homes so that people can "steal a kiss from someone that they know". In 2001 Barbra Streisand released the song It Must Have Been the Mistletoe.

IN CULTURE AND MYTHOLOGY

Mistletoe figured prominently in Norse mythology: the god Baldur was killed with a weapon made of mistletoe. Mistletoe bears fruit at the time of the Winter Solstice, the birth of the new year, and may have been used in solstitial rites in Druidic Britain.

In Celtic mythology and in Druid rituals, it was considered an antidote to poison, but it is now known that the fruits of many mistletoes are poisonous if ingested, as they contain viscotoxins.

A Christian tradition says that mistletoe was once a tree, and furnished the wood of the Cross. After the Crucifixion, the plant shriveled and became dwarfed to a parasitic vine.

In Romanian traditions, mistletoe (vâsc in Romanian) is considered a source of good fortune. The medical and the supposed magical properties of the plant are still used, especially in rural areas.

Mistletoe has sometimes been nicknamed the vampire plant because it can probe beneath the tree bark to drain water and minerals, enabling it to survive during a drought. William Shakespeare gives it an unflattering reference in Titus Andronicus, Act II, Scene I: "Overcome with moss and baleful mistletoe".

Mistletoe is the state floral emblem for the State of Oklahoma. The state did not have an official flower, leaving the Mistletoe as the assumed state flower until the Oklahoma Rose was designated as such in 2004.

In a popular myth, confusing Mistletoe and the Holly 'holy' Tree, the most sacred tree of the Druids, it is said that Mistletoe was cut with a gold sickle and it lost its power if it fell and touched the ground. The confusion arises from both plants being green all year and both having colorful fruits as well as sharing similar history concerning the winter months.

The Bra: An 'Uplifting' History

scarlett@thescarlettletters.com (Scarlett) — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 08:15:00 -0500

I have a love/hate relationship with my breasts – and really, what woman doesn’t?

If they’re too small, you wear falsies or padding – if you’re sporting DD’s you sometimes curse the day you were born a woman as you try to find button up shirts that don’t gap, sports bras that actually allow you to run sans pain and under wire that doesn’t poke you in the chest. And while the perks include, unlimited attention and the occasional drink, they might lead to conversations ending in such phrases as “umm…my face is up HERE”, “they’re not going to talk back, you know” or my personal favorite – “you won’t be meeting them later, so you can stop talking to them now.”

But love them or hate them, large or small – we (women) have them and throughout history, both men and women have implemented “uplifting” ideas in support of “the girls”. So I’m going to ‘snap to it’ and provide you with a cup full of tidbits about the history of the modern-day over-the-shoulder bolder holder – that turned 100 last week**

A SNAPPY HISTORY

2500 BC Back in 2500 B.C., warrior Minoan women on the Greek isle of Crete began wearing a bra-resembling garment, shoving their bare breasts upward and exposed their naked breasts from their clothing!

2000 BC The Corset can be traced back to about 2000 BC. It was open at the front to the waist, leaving the breasts uncovered. Small strips of leather round the waist were used to curve round the outline of the breasts.

450BC-285AD The Greeks wore a bodice tied above the breasts, leaving the breasts naked. The wearing of corsets was prohibited so they used "the Apodesme" which was a small band of material wrapped round the breast, largely for functional reasons - to prevent the breasts moving when walking. The Roman women adopted the apodesme as worn by the Greeks, but the name was changed to "mamillare", "fascia" etc. Young women wore the fascia to prevent the growth of their breasts whilst the mamillare was used to conceal a very large breast.

4th Century AD The Chemise first appeared in the 4th century, was made of linen and looked like a tunic. The Chemise was gathered into a round or square neckline. It was frequently embroidered and finished with a frill. At that time they usually had long sleeves and were finished with wrist ruffles.

In France women wore the "Bandeau" after Caesar's conquest of Gaul. In the 12th century women wore the "basquine" which was a sort of corset in rigid fabric surrounding the waist. About a century later the gourgandine (hussy) or bodice is worn on top of a corset.

13th Century AD In the 13th century, women were wearing short bodices that flattened the breasts. Full skirts were attached to raised waistlines to emphasize the stomach. To further emphasize a slender torso, garments had long full sleeves. The purpose was to draw the eye down and away from the breasts. In the 13th century one can read for the first time, in a corsetry shop window, reference to products that - "contain the larger one, supports the weak, gathers the floppy".

14th Century AD Breasts were de-emphasized even further in the 14th century by straight tubular bodices that completely flattened the breasts. Wide full skirts and high ruffled collars drew attention away from the breasts. In the 14th century the belt was worn to support the bust but was not widely worn as it was outlawed in certain parts of France. An edict of Strasbourg dated 1370 states - "no woman will support the bust by the disposition of a blouse or by tightened dress". Under Charles VII the bust is dressed in a triangular drape and by a tight gauze. The corset was worn very tightly and damage was caused to the wearer.

1550s AD In the 1550's women subjected themselves to the torture of whalebone and steel rod corsets. The steel corset is attributed to the wife of King Henri II of France, Catherine de Médicis, who banned "thick waists" at court attendances. The corset was designed to be worn tightly, requiring a lot of effort to fasten. It could reduce the waist to less than ten inches, permanently altering the waist size. The corset then became dominant undergarment (in various designs) of support and restraint for the next 350 years.

15th Century AD The 15th century saw breasts becoming a focal point. Bodices and stiffened stays covered and flattened the lower part of the breasts and nipples, whilst pushing up the upper breast. This created cleavage and gave the appearance of high and rounded breasts.

16th Century AD During the Renaissance Period, women stuffed the chest portions of their undergarments with silk pouches and hankies, binding them in place as well as could be expected to create an alluring bustline. Since there was nothing much to hold the pouches exactly where they should have been, there was a tendency for them to shift into laughable positions.

17th Century AD Whilst men had worn washable underwear since ancient times, it was not until the 17th century that drawers were worn by women in France and Italy but it was the early 1800's before they arrived in England "drawers" comes from a lower body undergarment that could be "drawn on". Drawers were often made up as two separate legs only attached at the waist. Crotch-less drawers were a practicality since they were worn under the corset and chemise. The legs finished just below the knee or at mid-calf and were finished either plain or fancy.

1820s A "corset mecanique" was actually invented in the 1820s which allowed women to squeeze into their corsets with the help of pulleys, without having to use the servants. Corsets at the time were made of whalebone, steel or buckram.

1850s US patents registered for first known bra-like devices.

Corsets fall out of style for about 10 years.

1860s Corsets come back in fashion with a vengeance. Severe corset "training" is common which reduces waists to such unhealthy levels that ribs and internal organs become deformed. Controversy over corseting health risks ensues.

1867 The "Thompson Patent Glove-Fitting Corset" of 1867 had a spring latch and snaps at the front, as well as the traditional hooks. The corset was designed to prevent it opening accidentally! The latter years of the 19th Century began to see challenges to the traditional views of the ideal woman, and the painful and unhealthy undergarments that they were expected to wear

1875 In 1875, manufacturers George Frost and George Phelps patented an undergarment called the "Union Under-Flannel". Unlike a corset, it had no bones, eyelets or laces and required no pulleys and was made from wool fabrics. Susan Taylor Convese made improvements to this design.

1877 Combinations, consisting of a chemise and pantaloons were invented about 1877. These were often made in red flannels and were crotch-less for convenience.

1889 Corset-maker Herminie Cadolle invents a bra-like garment called "Bien-être" ('Well-Being'.) Resembling a "Victorian bikini", its main differentiating feature from regular corsets is that the breasts are supported by the shoulders rather than squeezed up from below with traditional corset designs. Although marketed as a health aid beginning in 1889 in a Paris department store ad, the item does not gain widespread notice.

1893 Marie Tucek patents the "Breast Supporter". The garment includes separate pockets for each breast, shoulder straps that passed over the shoulders and fastened with hook and eye closures, making it the earliest known design to be similar to modern-day bras.

1907 Vogue magazine first uses the term "brassiere", which comes from the old French word for 'upper arm'. Before this, bra-like devices were known by another French term "soutien-gorge" (literally, "throat support" or "breast support".)

1912 The term "brassiere" first appears in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1913 Dissatisfied with the idea of having to wear a heavy corset underneath a new sheer evening gown she just bought for a social event, socialite Mary Phelps Jacob of New York and her maid, Marie, devised a backless bra made from two handkerchiefs, some ribbon and cord. Amazingly she started getting orders for it that very night.

1914 After considerable interest from friends, Mary Phelps Jacob applies for a patent (under the business name "Caresse Crosby") on November 3 for her "Backless Brassiere" design, which is basically the same garment that she previously improvised. This "brassiere" was very lightweight, soft, and separated the breasts naturally. Unlike Marie Tucek's 1893 design, Jacob's garment did not have cups to support the breasts, but flattened them instead. Jacob markets the "Backless Brassiere" garment until she tires of the business and sells the patent to Warner Brothers Corset Company in Bridgeport, Connecticut, for $1,500. Warner's reportedly made over 15 million dollars over the next 30 years from the patent.

1914-1918 World War I forces women into the work-force. Many women begin working in factories and wearing uniforms, making the use of daily corset wear a problem.

1917 The U.S. War Industries Board requests women to stop buying corsets to reduce the consumption of metal. Sources say up to 28,000 tons of metal was conserved through this effort - "enough to build two battleships."

1920s The bra gained popularity and began to be used more commonly during the 1920s. This was the era of the "flappers", and the flat-chested boyish look was all the rage. Warner introduces a tight, chest-flattening bra, that was designed to flatten the breasts, rather than support them.

1928 Ida Rosenthal, a Russian immigrant, and her husband William went into business as the Maidenform Company in the 1920's as a protest against the notorious flat-chested flapper girls of the Roaring 20's. Ida is responsible for the creation of bust size categories (cup sizes) and developed bras for every stage of life - puberty to maturity.

Late 1920s By the end of the 1920s corsetry companies began to manufacture brassieres that were boned and stitched into different cup sizes.

1930s It wasn't until the 1930s that shape started to become acceptable again, and the "bra" (a shortened form of the word "brassiere") changed from flattening the breasts, to holding them.

1930s Warner produces the first popular all-elastic bra, which shows off a woman's curves.

1930s It was 1932 before its shape was modified to accentuate the depth of cup. It was greatly improved by the fashion designer, Paul Poiret who even suggested that it be worn next to the skin.

1930s The "sweater-girl" look, portrayed by actress Lana Turner during the 1930s, was the next fashion development, pointed rigid bras that maintained their shape. This was followed by "falsies". These were pads worn inside the bra that were designed to enhance the fullness of the bust. These evolved into the push-up bra, stiffened cups supported by under-wiring.

1935 Warner's creates the cup sizing system (A to D), which becomes the system commonly used by all manufacturers throughout the world.

1941-1945 Common fabric materials (cotton, rubber, silk and steel) are in short supply, so manufacturers turn to synthetic fabrics.

1946 The first bikini swimwear is introduced in Paris.

1950's It was thus that during the 1950s the shape had become most exaggerated. Strapless bras also became popular at this time because of the fashion for off-the-shoulder outfits.

1960's The 1960s saw the women's liberation movement denouncing bras as a symbol of conformity and servitude and encouraging bra burning rallies. The Hippie and free-love movement would see the bra abandoned altogether, resulting in the braless look.

1960's A return to the need for support saw the bra re-emerge after this era. Developments in manufacturing and technology since the 1960s, such as lycra, have seen the materials for bras become increasingly lightweight, durable and elastic.

** All information provided courtesy of the Hot Gossip Bra Shop.

Red (Spot)Light: InTouch Names Hollywood's Hottest Redheads

scarlett@thescarlettletters.com (Scarlett) — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 09:35:00 -0500

It's out! In Touch Magazine has listed their pics for Hollywood's Hottest Redhead!

While I'm thrilled with the singling out of the beautiful silver and small screen redheaded mavens out in Tinsel Town - I must admit, I am a bit shocked by some OBVIOUS omissions in this list!

While there's no denying that Dr. Addison Sheppard (aka Kate Walsh) should sit atop the rankings, I offer the following alternative placements with the original article following below. What do you think, men? Kathy Griffin in favor of Julia Roberts!?!? Um....NO.

Scarlett's list for the title of Hollywood's Hottest Redheads:

Kate Walsh (no argument here)
Li-Lo (obvious choice)
Julia Roberts (H-E-L-L-O!)
Julianne Moore
Nicole Kidman (the oft-blonde will always be a true strawberry in our hearts)
Debra Messing
Marcia Cross
Melinda Clarke (the OC would NOT have been the same without this fiery-haired temptress we all know and love)
Alicia Witt (you may have seen her in the Sopranos, Two Weeks Notice, or Vanilla Sky)
And last, but CERTAINLY not least - Molly Ringwald circa 1989

Actress Kate Walsh has topped a poll of ‘Hollywood’s Hottest Redheads’.

The poll was conducted by entertainment magazine In Touch Weekly. Walsh, a natural blonde, admits that flame-haired women definitely have more fun than their fair-headed or brunette counterparts.

"When I was blonde, they treated me like a girly girl. As a redhead, it was a little more sassy," Contactmusic quoted her, as telling the mag.

Coming in second on the list was Lindsay Lohan, followed by Oscar-winner Nicole Kidman in third place. The top five was rounded off by Debra Messing and Geri Halliwell, who came in fourth and fifth place respectively.

The list for the top ten ‘Hollywood’s Hottest Redheads’, as per In Touch Weekly is:

Kate Walsh
Lindsay Lohan
Nicole Kidman
Debra Messing
Geri Halliwell
Julianne Moore
Kathy Griffin
Marcia Cross
Amy Adams
Isla Fisher

Today, My Heart is Maroon

scarlett@thescarlettletters.com (Scarlett) — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 08:52:00 -0500

The events and tragedy in unfolding Virginia over the past few days have left me with a loss for words. So many people have written so eloquently on the subjects of friendship, loss, violence and blame and so I will not attempt to duplicate their poignant words.

This event affected me, as it did so many others, having spent a great deal of time in Blacksburg and on the Virginia Tech campus. Thinking about pre gaming in the loft adorned rooms across from the football stadium at the age of 18…..It certainly shined a harsh halogen bulb of cruelty, reality and mortality on my adolescent memories. I can only imagine what it did to the current residents of West AJ.

But as I suppose is the case with most tragedies, we are tempted to take stock in our own lives, thank the heavens for the blessings bestowed upon us and pray for those suffering.

And so I shall.

Global Warming My Ass!

scarlett@thescarlettletters.com (Scarlett) — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 11:33:42 -0500

P.S. If I have to hear ANYTHING MORE about warmer temperatures coming out of Al Gore's pompous, chubby face......

Ignorance Breeding Hate

scarlett@thescarlettletters.com (Scarlett) — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:59:00 -0500

This morning, my father forwarded me an article, printed yesterday, April 2, 2007 in The London Daily Mail.

Shocked does not even begin to express my initial reaction…appalled is more like it. I should preface my outrage with the statement that I do my best to respect and tolerate all cultures, religions and diverging points of view. However, I believe, in this instance, we have crossed the line from religious and cultural tolerance to the perpetuation of IN-tolerance and blatant propaganda.

I offer two scenarios:

Theoretical

You are teaching in a public school and a child beings touting the belief that all redheads are witches. They have actually stolen the fire from hell and should be burned at the state. Ok, wait. Let’s pick a scenario that’s a tad more universally outrageous….

Ok, so you’re teaching and a child starts spouting offensive, racial epithets against African Americans, saying that slavery never happened and that, in fact, the entire Civil War was a hoax. Furthermore, it was their religious and cultural belief that Abraham Lincoln is on the same plane of existence with Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny. Would you ….

A) Attempt to ignore the child and encourage the school to devise some sort of independent study for them during the class’s President’s Day celebration.
B) Resolve to teach American History only POST the 13th Amendment, obscure all photographs of the Lincoln Memorial in text books and ban the use of pennies and $5 bills on school grounds and grant the child’s petition to start a Future Members of the KKK Organization – after all, the school shouldn’t trample on anyone’s religious beliefs.
C) Continue your history lessons as planned teaching the ENTIRE class the historical facts surrounding the Civil War and slavery and assign the students to memorize the Gettysburg address. Then promptly threaten the little racist urchin with suspension for the use of inappropriate and offensive language towards classmates of all color.*

Factual

Teachers Drop the Holocaust to Avoid Offending Muslims

By LAURA CLARK

Schools are dropping the Holocaust from history lessons to avoid offending Muslim pupils, a Government backed study has revealed.

It found some teachers are reluctant to cover the atrocity for fear of upsetting students whose beliefs include Holocaust denial.

There is also resistance to tackling the 11th century Crusades - where Christians fought Muslim armies for control of Jerusalem - because lessons often contradict what is taught in local mosques.

The findings have prompted claims that some schools are using history 'as a vehicle for promoting political correctness'.

The study, funded by the Department for Education and Skills, looked into 'emotive and controversial' history teaching in primary and secondary schools.

It found some teachers are dropping courses covering the Holocaust at the earliest opportunity over fears Muslim pupils might express anti-Semitic and anti-Israel reactions in class.

The researchers gave the example of a secondary school in an unnamed northern city, which dropped the Holocaust as a subject for GCSE coursework.

The report said teachers feared confronting 'anti-Semitic sentiment and Holocaust denial among some Muslim pupils'.

It added: "In another department, the Holocaust was taught despite anti-Semitic sentiment among some pupils.

"But the same department deliberately avoided teaching the Crusades at Key Stage 3 (11- to 14-year-olds) because their balanced treatment of the topic would have challenged what was taught in some local mosques."

A third school found itself 'strongly challenged by some Christian parents for their treatment of the Arab-Israeli conflict-and the history of the state of Israel that did not accord with the teachings of their denomination'.

The report concluded: "In particular settings, teachers of history are unwilling to challenge highly contentious or charged versions of history in which pupils are steeped at home, in their community or in a place of worship."

But Chris McGovern, history education adviser to the former Tory government, said: "History is not a vehicle for promoting political correctness. Children must have access to knowledge of these controversial subjects, whether palatable or unpalatable."

The researchers also warned that a lack of subject knowledge among teachers - particularly at primary level - was leading to history being taught in a 'shallow way leading to routine and superficial learning'.

Lessons in difficult topics were too often 'bland, simplistic and unproblematic' and bored pupils.

Could someone please help me understand the logical rationale behind this….because I am at a loss.

Frankly,

* This quiz was brought to you by the letter ‘C’.

The Sunset From Newport Beach

scarlett@thescarlettletters.com (Scarlett) — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 16:32:00 -0600

Dear Cohen Family and OC Friends:

It was with a heavy heart that I said goodbye as you left my living room for the last time Thursday night. I have so much to say to you all and I feel so connected to each and every one of you. Please permit me to say goodbye to each of you in my own way. Yes, we cultivate and encourage a very healthy and active fantasy life here at TSL.

For the past 4 years, since the summer of 2003, and I remember that summer because I was undergoing surgery and radiation treatments for cancer, you came into my life. I must admit, I was first introduced to you by a beautiful 25 year old, resembling you, Ryan Atwood – but more of in a preppy, Luke-eque, water-polo player kind of way. I mocked him for leaving happy hour early on Wednesday evenings to spend it with the Newport Group. So naturally I needed to see what all the fuss was about as well as supplying the opportunity for easy discussion about our new mutual friends. But ya’ll surprised me. And I found myself more eager to spend time with you than him, which turned out to be one of the best decisions I could have made.

And when I entered the hospital, you were there to whisk me away to someplace sunny and beautiful. I had Seth to make me laugh and Marisa, lovely Marisa to remind me that I didn’t really have it THAT bad because I had so many people aroud that still loved me.

Sandy & Kirsten – if I ever have redheaded rugrats I want to be parents just like you. Young, beautiful, human, funny, understanding, trendy and compassionate.

Seth: You would have been just my type in high school. Nerdy, smart, sarcastic, eclectic, funny, artistic and a tad spastic in that ‘I’ve made one too many trips to Starbucks’ kind of way. I’m so proud of the way you’ve grown up and come into your own before our eyes. I look on you as I do my own little brother, as you remind me of him soooo much. You’ve had your growing pains, its true, but its all worked out, you’re the better man for it, and in the end…you got the girl.

Summer: Once seemingly the blaze cheerleader, you were, I think pushed by Seth to discover who you really are not dumb…just shallow! And really, who can’t respect that?? You, Summer Roberts are a sarcastic, bitchy, dry, funny, sensitive gal and I know, while we may never be able to share the joy of raiding each other’s closets, I know we will be friends forever.

Marisa “Coop” Cooper – may you rest in peace. You taught us all to count calories (and your ribs) as well as the valuable lesson of – no matter how bad things get, they can always get worse. You strong strong gal. Hardened by life and parental dysfunctionality. We have missed you terribly and we know that in the end, Newport could no longer survive without you in it. Fear not, we shall meet again in that great big Keds commercial in the sky.

Taylor: Oh Taylor. How many times did I watch you with your ‘To Do’ lists, entourage of romantic yet-not-quite-right trysts and your endless ability to speak so quickly and for so long without stopping or even taking a breath (the Russian found out to his own detriment on Monday night, that I also possess this ability)…and then there was that flashback to second grade, with your coke bottle glasses, your hair in pigtails, wanting desperately to be accepted by the in-crowd. Sigh. Taylor – you have only to dye your hair ala Julie Cooper, grow a few inches (and a few cup sizes) and we’d be twins. Though for my sake, and the sake of those routinely in my company, I do hope I have mellowed out in the past few years making the connection a little less than blatantly obvious.

Ryan: Ryan (girly, dreamy smile comes over face)…..mmmm……Ryan Atwood. You satiated my bad-boy desires every week and sometimes more on DVDs. Your wife beaters showing off those gorgeous arms, that illusive smirk, your brooding, pensive nature. In fact, all of my bad boy crushes (note I said crushes, not relationships) over the past 4 years have actually BEEN about 5’9 with short blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes! Huh. This is a pattern that I’ve never quite detected before…I believe this is the moment that therapists refer to as “the breakthrough”.

And last…but CERTAINLY NOT the least….Julie.

Julie Cooper: You put it best when you said ‘this town is only big enough for ONE manipulative bitch!’. And that, my dear…is you. My redheaded, socialite role model. In a fantasy world, you are my big sister and I want to grow up to be just like YOU, but without the lying…and the cheating…and the marrying for money (well…we can leave that on the list). But with the strength, and the survival instinct, which is not to be trumped by the FASHION instinct (see! Marrying for money has its perks!) and the general air of fabulousness. I was proud of you, sis. Yes, proud of you for choosing to find yourself over having a man in your life. Bravo, Red. Bravo! You always land on your feet – and wear expensive footwear when you do!

Goodbye, my friends. Goodbye to the colorful world of Newport Beach. As I look around, shake my head and realize that I am left with none but the doctors at Seattle Grey’s to try and distract me, from my somewhat colorless (at present) east coast life.

And I shiver, crawl back under my electric blanket, and dream myself back beside the infinity pool.

Yours Always,

Dream A Little Dream - Red Letter Edition

scarlett@thescarlettletters.com (Scarlett) — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 10:32:45 -0600

Red Letter Edition

I dream. Vividly. In color. Reoccurring dreams, themes, nightmares – you name it, I’ve dreamt it.

Sometimes they make sense. Last night I dreamt about Russell Crowe, a Hawaiian waterfall and a bottomless margarita glass. I really don’t think my subconscious was trying to tell me anything here other than the fact that I need to fall asleep watching ‘Proof of Life’ more often.

Other times, when stressed, we have the anxiety dreams…I haven’t attended class all semester and I have to take the final, I’m late to class, I overslept for a presentation, someone’s chasing me, I’m flying and I fall, I’m back in high school competing at a cheerleading championship and I forgot the routine, an ex boyfriend wants to get back together, I step onto the orange line by mistake and reach Ballston before I realize I need to be going to the Pentagon – on the Blue Line! (oh wait – that last one wasn’t a dream…it was my morning!)

But, I must say, in all the dreams I’ve had in all my years of nightmares, I have NEVER had one like this. Sure – I’ve dreamt that I’ve been walking through my college campus quad TOPLESS – but I think this one might be a bit more traumatic. Had I had this dream I’m sure I would have woken up in a cold sweat, heart pounding and screaming. Oh Lynda! I’m may never go to sleep again! It’s truly the stuff Steven King films are made of!

I just pray that if I have a little redheaded mini-Scarlett one day, that I can shield her from such scary thoughts. I can chase away the monsters under her bed…but to wake up a brunette!? I’ll just have to remember to keep her nightlight on!

You Just Think You've Had a Bad Hair Day - Step Into My Dreams

It had been a week of bad hair days. Not just one, mind you, which every woman has from time to time, but seven whole days.

The weather was nasty, which contributes to hairdo problems for many women and does so especially for me. No matter what I tried, none of my usual tricks to tame the tresses worked.

A word of explanation: When I say I'm having a bad hair day, I mean my hair is frizzy and unmanageable. It ALWAYS does what it wants to - the bane/blessing of being born with naturally wavy/curly hair - but most of the time I'm able to keep the situation under control.

It's probably because of the repeated wasted efforts I had made to improve this hairy (talk about your bad puns) situation that caused me to have the dream that came close to nightmare proportion.

In said dream, I awakened one morning and was no longer a redhead. The hair wasn't a darker red nor a brighter red, not even a pale red, but an altogether different shade.

It was the exact color of Hershey's cocoa. It looked just like what you'd mix up and drink from a cup - only it was on my head.

I kept staring at my reflection in the mirror and couldn't believe the transformation. I thought I was in the Twilight Zone.

I tried shampooing the hair, thinking someone had sneaked in and dyed it while I slept, but nothing happened. It was still the color of cocoa. Nothing would change the peculiar shade.

This occurred on a day when I had to be several places. And everywhere I went, people were aghast.

“What happened to your hair?!!” was the question I heard over and over.

“I don't know,” I replied to each. “When I woke up, this is the way it was.”

No one believed me. “Do you really think I'd do this on purpose?”

There was no answer from any who heard the query. They would just stare. And stare.

About this time, I really did awaken. And the first thing I did was jump out of bed and run to a mirror. Ordinarily, I might not have liked the image of the tousled redhead with no makeup that looked back at me, but on this day I breathed a big sign of relief.

“Yes! It's still red,” I said gratefully to my looking-glass.

There are some things that are just part of your identity. If they change, it requires a lot of adjustment. And I haven't been ready to adjust from a lifetime as a redhead.

The dream about the bizarre change in hair color conjured up the memory of the time, as a teenager, when I honestly did try for a modified dye job. I talked Sweetheart, one of my best friends' beauty operator-mother, into peroxiding a strip of hair over my forehead.

This was a trend of the day. “Everyone” did it, so several of my friends and I gathered in Sweetheart's shop to get our blond streaks. Within a brief time, everyone had been “blonded.”

Everyone but me, that is. Mine didn't change even a tiny bit.

Sweetheart repeated the process.

“It's just not changing, Lynda,” she said, shaking her head as her trademark cigarette dangled from the left corner of her mouth.

She kept trying. Over and over and over.

Finally, she threw up her hands and said: “That's it! I've put eight applications of peroxide on it, and it's still just as red as when we started. You're a redhead and you might as well accept the fact you're going to have to stay one.”

Her declaration carried as much weight as if she had donned a Grecian robe, stood out in the forest in a thunderstorm and proclaimed, “It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.”

The Gospel According to Sweetheart. I heard it and I believed. I started out life as a redhead, and I plan to do my darnedest to go out the same way. But I still like the hair itself to behave the way I want, not the way it wants.

I haven't had a really short hairdo since one time during the 1970s when I decided impulsively one day to get more than my usual “trim.”

My hairstylist, Sherry Grant, questioned the wisdom of my decision. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

She cautioned me that I might not be happy with the result, but I insisted.

Oh, yeah, I told her. I want it short, really short. You'd think I'd know better than to tell a scissors-happy hairstylist to “cut a lot,” but I threw caution to the wind and did it anyway. I didn't flinch when she started whacking away because I was absolutely sure I was going to like it.

Never have I been so absolutely wrong. And the sad truth is that when you've cut it, you're pretty much stuck with a lot less hair for a while, no matter how much you try to stretch it.

In my case, “stretching” hair is a futile act. Since it's either curly or wavy, it resists any molding. Liberal doses of water don't help either. Eventually, the hair will dry and shrink back to a shorter, wavy length.

This coiffing catastrophe occurred in the Courier publisher days of the late Sam Hodges, who could turn a phrase like no one I've ever known. (This fact is important to the incident I will share.)

On my first day back to work after THE HAIRCUT, I was sitting at my desk in the old Courier office (the Troutt house, as the locals called it) when Mr. Hodges entered the front door about lunch time, his usual time to arrive at work.

Without so much as a howdy-do, he passed by me while saying, “And when did your beauty operator get mad at you?”

It was hard to take offense because I was in agreement. The beauty operator was the innocent, though; I was the culprit who had sentenced myself to several weeks of misery.

Fortunately, my hair grows really fast and I survived with no visible scars. But as bad as that experience was, at least the hair, what little there was, was still red.

Now that I have an idea what it would be like to be a cocoahead, I know to be grateful for small blessings.

Lynda Hollenbeck is associate editor of the Courier. She receives e-mail at lyndahol@sbcglobal.net or lyndahol@yahoo.com.